My name is Shane Hodges. I grew up in a town of seventy people in Nebraska. Generally speaking, I had a pretty good childhood; Lots of friends, a loving family, and a kick-ass black and gold BMX bike! I was livin’ large!

Then, at ten years old, I started to feel like I couldn’t be myself. The first thing to trigger my inauthenticity was realizing I was gay. Back then, this just wasn’t “acceptable”, so I kept it to myself. At fourteen, I started high school. In addition to hiding my gayness, I now also felt overwhelming pressure to fit in. I worried about my hair, my clothes, and whether or not I was making the right choices. I was too scared to let people know the real me. Once I started college, I felt a bit more freedom to be myself, but I still wasn’t out about being gay. I continued trying to convince myself I was straight…as if were a choice! After coming out at twenty-three, there was some relief. Unfortunately, by that time I had become a people-pleaser with no boundaries who was still afraid of people not liking me. So, the inauthenticity continued. 

Finally, around the age of forty, I realized I really hated the feeling that came with being anything other than myself. I refer to it as “The Ick” and I remember it feeling gross and oppressive. So, from that point on, I challenged myself to be as authentic as possible in any situation; even if it resulted in someone not liking me! That was hard.